: Name: ~dreamer~; Location: Hong Kong

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Dance like no one is watching...

...love like you'll never be hurt...

...sing like no one is listening...

...live like it's heaven on earth.

Life is beautiful!

.: wishlist :.
tix to Alicia Keys concert
new digital camera
new phone (pda)
more office clothes
~~new bikini :)~~
more shoes
plane ticket to manila
carebear stuffed toy
~~big black bag~~

.: previous posts :.

.: archives :.
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
March 2005
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
May 2008
June 2008

.: friends :.
marcus
piggy wing
chi-licious
becks
gloria
l.a.
chuckles
gengkukay
pretty zara
mai crabbedstar
ryeness
the goddess
astron's notebook
empress maruja
fei flora
magoo

.: thanks :.
blogger
blogskins
designer

What have you got to say?

Saturday, September 29, 2007

a sharing.

last tuesday, my sister and i went to volume for kuya rye's birthday celebration. we were there very early and the place was still empty, so we decided to take a walk and stumbled upon a small japanese restaurant. and since we haven't had our dinner yet and i was craving for sushi, we went inside to eat.

even after we were full, we stayed there for a while to kill time. and as i was reading some magazines, i came across this simple poem that i found very meaningful so i want to share it:

The Paradox of Our Age

We have bigger houses but smaller families;

more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense;

more knowledge but less judgment;

more experts, but more problems;

more medicines but less healthiness.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble in crossing the street to meet our new neighbour.

We built more computers to hold more copies than ever,

But have less real communication;

We have become long on quantity,

but short on quality.

These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;

Tall mean but short characters;

Steep profits but shallow relationships.

It’s a time when there is much in the window

But nothing in the room.

-His holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama

nothing could be more true than this.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 5:02 PM

0 comments

Thursday, September 27, 2007

craziness attack!!!

when my mind goes all crazy, i think about doing things that are really out of my league. now, i have decided to get a tattoo. i don't want anything big and noticeable. i want a pentacle because it symbolizes the four elements with the spirit as the fifth point and also because i just loooooove stars. heheh. and i want it on my wrist.

so, out of boredom in the office, i drew it on my skin to see what it would look like. and here it is:

should i get one or not? if i do, i think my family would disown me. i will officially become the black sheep. heheh!

also, i met a new friend last saturday. here's how she looks like:

isn't her face familiar? i know it's kinda blurry but this is where she originated from:

ok, that's all for now. i still hafta finish editing a pic for abi.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 11:20 PM

1 comments

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

the storm is gone, the sky is blue. everything is clear.

lately, i have been trying to be a person that i'm not, trying to get the attention of a certain someone. until i realized...it's not really what i want. and that certain someone was the one who made me realize it with what seemed to be our last conversation:

[09:23] mr. wachowski: Buzz!!
[09:23] mr. wachowski: hey
[09:23] fashionista: what's up?
[09:23] Meebo Message: mr. wachowski appears offline. Your message may not be received.
[09:23] mr. wachowski: wala naman
[09:23] mr. wachowski: kakauwe ko lang
[09:23] mr. wachowski: ikaw?
[09:23] mr. wachowski: san kaw?
[09:24] fashionista: opis
[09:32] mr. wachowski: ahhh
[09:32] mr. wachowski: o kmsta naman work dyan?
[09:35] fashionista: ayoko na, naghahanap ako ng iba
[09:36] mr. wachowski: bakit?
[09:36] mr. wachowski: ngek
[09:36] fashionista: it's not for me heheh
[09:41] mr. wachowski: Buzz!!
[09:42] mr. wachowski: naks
[09:42] mr. wachowski: ayan nanaman ung mga banat mo eh
[09:42] mr. wachowski: lahat nlng,, not for me...
[09:42] mr. wachowski: haaaaay
[09:43] fashionista: huh?
[09:43] fashionista: alam mo ba anong ginagawa ko ngayon?
[09:44] mr. wachowski: ano?
[09:44] fashionista: hayyy, dami dami sinasabi di naman pala alam ano work ko. tsk!
[09:54] mr. wachowski: ano??
[09:56] fashionista: researcher
[09:56] fashionista: in an executive search firm
[09:57] mr. wachowski: ohhh
[09:57] mr. wachowski: e ayaw mo na dyan?
[09:57] fashionista: ayoko
[09:58] fashionista: i hate headhunting

i was trying to sound as casual as i can since i wasn't in the mood to talk to him at that time . but his words really irritated me and so it came to this:

[09:58] mr. wachowski: ohhh
[09:58] mr. wachowski: e anong gusto mo?
[09:58] Meebo Message: mr. wachowski is online
[09:58] mr. wachowski: lakas lakas mo mag clubbing den mawawalan ka ng work?
[09:59] fashionista: sinabi ko bang aalis na ko? naghahanap nga ng iba e.
[09:59] fashionista: at ano namang pakelam mo?
[10:03] mr. wachowski: bahala ka
[10:04] fashionista: yup! thanks!
[10:05] mr. wachowski: e hndi ka naman makikinig eh
[10:05] mr. wachowski: palage mo nlng gusto mo nasusunod
[10:06] fashionista: at sino naman dapat kong pakinggan?
[10:07] fashionista: ikaw?
[10:07] fashionista: LOL!
[10:08] mr. wachowski: ok.. salamat din ah
[10:08] fashionista: anytime.

[10:09] mr. wachowski: bakit ba ang laki ng galit mo aprin saakin?
[10:09] fashionista: hindi ba baliktad? ikaw ang galit sa akin.
[10:10] mr. wachowski: siraulo ka na ba?
[10:11] fashionista: alamo mo, sawang-sawa na ko! ganito na lng ba tayo lagi?
[10:13] fashionista: paikot-ikot lang e
[10:16] mr. wachowski: ikaw eh
[10:21] fashionista: huh? don't turn this around. ikaw tong mainit ang dugo sa akin for some reason.
[10:24] mr. wachowski: ako?
[10:24] mr. wachowski: hndi ba ikaw?
[10:24] mr. wachowski: e ano ung msg mo saakin sa friendster?
[10:26] fashionista: o e ano ba intindi mo dun?
[10:26] mr. wachowski: paulit ulit nlng
[10:27] fashionista: ok para hindi na paulit ulit at nakakapagod
[10:27] fashionista: can we please end this now?
[10:28] mr. wachowski: what du u mean?
[10:31] fashionista: tell me what you want from me
[10:31] fashionista: my friendship?
[10:31] mr. wachowski: see?
[10:32] mr. wachowski: sino ung may problema?
[10:32] mr. wachowski: bakit ganun?
[10:32] mr. wachowski: naghahanap ka ng kapalit?
[10:32] mr. wachowski: ganun ba dpat?
[10:32] mr. wachowski: msyado kang fragile pagdating saakin, parang takot na takot ka?
[10:33] fashionista: ok..what else?
[10:33] mr. wachowski: see
[10:33] mr. wachowski: haaaaaay
[10:34] fashionista: no...continue
[10:34] fashionista: tell me
[10:36] mr. wachowski: no
[10:38] fashionista: o bakit ayaw mo?
[10:38] fashionista: sabihin mo na lahat
[10:38] fashionista: para matapos na to
[10:39] fashionista: hindi yung unti-unti
[10:39] mr. wachowski: meng,, e ikaw?? ano bang gusto mo mangyari satin?
[10:39] mr. wachowski: gusto mo bang magkabalikan tyo?
[10:39] mr. wachowski: ano?

when he asked those questions, that's when it hit me. i stared at my screen for the longest time, at loss for words. i didn't know what to answer. and for the first time in all our conversations, i tried to dodge the question:

[10:41] fashionista: gusto kong matapos na to
[10:42] mr. wachowski: ano?
[10:42] mr. wachowski: anong gusto mong tapusin?
[10:45] fashionista: your games
[10:45] fashionista: your acts
[10:53] mr. wachowski: bye
[10:53] fashionista: bye!

i wasn't able to concentrate with work after that. i wasn't expecting him to respond this way. he caught me off guard with his questions and his answers. i was actually expecting him to avoid it and change the topic again like what he usually does.

but after thinking about it for a few hours, it all became clear to me. i now know the answer. i don't want us to get back together. although we have feelings for each other, being together will only complicate things.

and now, i can finally move on.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 9:05 PM

0 comments

Sunday, September 23, 2007

i'm a fag hag and lovin' it.

i spent my early saturday morning with my gay friends. we were at lawrence's place to celebrate kuya rye's birthday. there were five of us and i was the only girl there. even so, i didn't even feel a bit left out. why? because i'm a fag hag (for definition, click here). i've been one since my college days.

whatever country i am in, whichever group of friends i go with, there's always a gay man in the group who i become very close with. even the gay guys at work become my friends instantly. i love their company especially because they are the men who can be completely honest with you. they won't be shy to tell you if you looked horrendous and you won't feel offended, instead, you take it as a constructive criticism. and they also won't be shy to tell you when you look beautiful.

another reason why i love my gay friends is because they still know how to respect a woman. with simple gestures like opening the door for me, or offering me their seats, gays still know how to treat a lady with respect (at least the ones i know).

they are my favorite shopping buddies because they are the experts in fashion trends. they are my favorite partying buddies because they definitely know how to have fun. and i also run to them for advice when it comes to love. because they'll speak to you in all honesty, tell you when you're already being stupid and it's time to let go. this is not true for all gays though, i'm only talking about MY gay friends.

my life wouldn't be as fun and colorful as it is now if i didn't have them in it. and my next boyfriend should be as comfortable as i am around them for i don't plan on turning away from being a fag hag, ever.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 10:14 PM

1 comments

Saturday, September 22, 2007

i've gone all emo again.

It's time to be honest with myself
I've fooled around too long
now all I think about is you
and what we used to have

I'm scared to live without your love
coz you were really all I had
now my only love has gone away
and it hurts so bad

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.
is you, is you
is you, baby.

It's time to be honest with you babe
you made me a better woman
you cared for me so much
so much you scared me boy

Now I feel you in the air I breath
even though you're not in front of me
you were like a summer breeze
and it's killing me

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.
is you babe
You're the only man

I'm tired of crying, come back in my life
think about it, it's been awhile
I've never meant to hurt you baby
you're the only man I need....

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.
is you
the only man is you
the only man is you

The only thing that's missing in my life, is you.
The only thing I need in my life, is you.
the only man is you...

You by Athena Cage
-------------------------------------------------------

"you'll never know what true love is until you get hurt but still learn to forgive and sacrifice your own happiness."

--at least i can say i've experienced true love even for once in my life.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 3:19 PM

3 comments

Thursday, September 20, 2007

nostalgia and the singlehood

my life has been very busy lately and i'm not complaining because i wanted it to be. but somehow in the midst of all the partying and hanging out with your friends, you can't help but have a nostalgic moment. when the party has ended; when your friends have gone back to their place and you to yours; when you're by yourself on your bed trying to sleep, that's when it hits you, that reminiscent feeling.

i have experienced that some nights ago. even when you think you're enjoying your life, you'll somehow feel that there's still something missing. and then you'll realize there's no one to share these happy times with. when you had a great day, there's no one to celebrate it with. when something drives you mad at work, there's no one to give you encouraging and comforting words. when you remember the funny things, you remember it alone and all you can do is smile discreetly about it. at the end of the day, there's no one you look forward talking to whose voice could take all your weariness away. the despairs of singlehood -- something i never thought i'd care about.

i'm feeling nostalgic. because before, i have someone to talk to and share stories of my life with. before, i have someone who will listen to me rant about work or just about anything. before, there was someone i can have reminiscent moments with. because before, i have someone to call and talk to just because. we didn't have to say anything, we just have to stay on the other line for each other and we'd already feel secure.

there are so many things happening in my life but i still can't say i'm completely happy. my friends will be there only up to a certain point. and hard as i try to cover up my loneliness and discontentedness at work with drinking and partying, it still manages to emerge from underneath. i can only do so much as pretend to be happy, but when i wash my make-up away and take my pretty dress off, i'm just another lonely woman.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 2:32 PM

1 comments

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

hot pot.

after telling myself i will rest this week, here i am coming home late again with a pretty good excuse this time. i bumped into phil, one of my close friends, while i was walking with abi in central. phil told me that he and jerry were going to meet up for a hot-pot dinner and he asked me to come with them. at first, i didn't want to go because it was so sudden. but then he told me that jerry was gonna get married on wednesday and that's what changed my mind.

even though it was far (in hung hom again), i still agreed to go because i wanted to meet up with old friends. even mike c. and his wife joined us for our hot-pot. the food was good and cheap and all of us were so full when we left the place. i'd say it was worth the trip. for all the 'kwentos', the 'asaran', and all the catching up was definitely worth the trip.

anyway, just wanted to write something to update. and i will start going home early and resting tomorrow...i hope!

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 12:18 AM

0 comments

Saturday, September 15, 2007

pysically tired. mentally active.

it's been a busy week. and no, not with work. i've been going out after work for these past few days, always going home not earlier than 12. i can't even remember when was the last time i had enough sleep.

since tuesday, i have made myself a call away from all activities. i say yes to any of my friends inviting me wether to go out and have some drinks or hangout and chill at their place to smoke some bud. and even for the one day i have reserved for resting, i still stayed up late job hunting and chatting with friends. i guess this is my way of keeping myself busy. when you're busy, time passes faster which is also why i hate being in the office. when i'm at work, time seems to move in slow motion.

i'm not sure if it's something to be proud of but i'm no longer a couch potato, at least for the time being. gone were the days when i just lounge around the house watching TV; when I already have a schedule of programs to watch until 12 midnight. although, those were the times that i get to spend with my mom because we like the same shows. i'm sure it will come back...when i allow it.

anyway, what i've been doing for the past week is now taking its toll on me. today, i woke up with a cold. since last week until now, my back has been in pain. and for three days now, i've been experiencing muscle pains all over my body. and to top it off, our masseuse have been MIA since last week, can't even reach her mobile.

but even so, i'm still going out tonight. saturday nights are not meant to be spent at home. i already made that mistake last week, not doing it again tonight.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 11:58 AM

0 comments

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i'm in pain.

my hips, my tummy, my legs. they're all in pain. menstrual cramps is a bitch. this is one of those times when i hate being a girl. and to top it off, the day went on very slowly. every minute seemed like an hour. and while i was sitting there at my workstation trying to get some work done, i was secretly wishing i could curl up in bed and sleep.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 8:55 PM

0 comments

Monday, September 10, 2007

just as i was already going up, i'm down again...

i woke up today and felt drained of all positive energies i had last week. and i know why. it's a monday, i have to force myself to go to work again. and also because of lack of proper sleep. i slept late all the previous days.

friday, i went out and got home at 3am.

saturday, i fell asleep at from 6pm to 9pm so i had a hard time sleeping that night. i was also kinda bummed out because our supposed party that day got postponed. then, i was prepped to go out that night but didn't find anyone to go out with. :( and i missed kuya rye's show at volume.

sunday, last night, i stayed up late working on geng's multiply layout and so far, i've only done the banner. it's not yet even finished. it still needs a little bit of cleaning up.

and then today, another monday, start of another work week. it's when your eyes sore from reading all the emails that have piled up over the weekend. it's when you want to slam the phone down on the people you call and talk to because they are cranky. it's when you start the 5-day countdown to the next weekend. i hate mondays.

i didn't used to care whatever day of the week it is or whatever time it is. because i used to like my job. i used to love what i do. and now i don't. i gotta find another job quick!

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 7:25 PM

0 comments

Saturday, September 08, 2007

my adventure and the people i've met.

i've made new friends. and i got home at around 3:30 this morning coming from a party (clean party :P).

before getting off from work last night, i asked my friend abi if she had any plans for the night. both of us don't want to go straight home on a friday night. she asked me to meet her at worldwide house where i got lost trying to find her. it's been a long time since i last went there so i don't know the place anymore. anyway, when i found her, she was with her two other friends, carie and mars (i think that's what his/her name is). mars is one of abi's lesbian friends and carie is also bisexual. these things are not unusual to me anymore. i have been used to it since i was in high school but what surprised me was that even mars's younger cousins call her "kuya". i dunno, i guess i'm not really accustomed to treating a lesbian girl as a man. i mean, i know their sexual preferences but to use a title or a salutation meant for a male to a female, is just not what i got used to.

after hanging out, carie and abi said they're going to their friend's place at hung hom and asked me to come with them. i hesitated at first because the place was far from where i lived which is in shek tong tsui. (for those not from HK, hung hom is on another island which takes about an hour bus ride). anyway, i didn't feel like going home yet so shy as i am to go to a party where i only know one person, i still joined them.

we got to hung hom city proper and thought the place would be around there. then we found out we still needed to walk to some place and take a mini bus to go further. we walked for 4 blocks i think until we finally found the bus stop and tried to ask one of the drivers where to find a mini bus that goes to tok wa wan. and just as we asked, a bus passes by and the guy we asked pointed at it. when we got on it, the driver was saying some things in cantonese and of course, we didn't understand. and the other people on the bus were staring at us. at that point, i was starting to think that it wasn't such a good idea going there. the place was so far and so unfamiliar that i thought it was already some part of china. our next problem was we weren't sure where to get off. luckily, while some people were getting off at one stop, we saw their friends, jen and noah (also a lesbian and carie's partner), waiting for us.

we finally arrive at our destination. the building was old but when you get inside the place, it was nice and cozy. the party hosts, tin and maggie, really prepared their home for the party. the place was lit only by candles and dim lamps which abi and i thought was perfect for parteeing. hahah! it even had a mini bar with all the alcoholic drinks fixated on the wall upside down ready to be poured and mixed and served. there was a very comfy couch, a carpet, 2 coffee tables in the middle and a huge TV. the place was very spacious and it was decorated well.

while waiting for their other friends, jerry, mike and francis, we went to wellcome to buy some stuff. and when we got back, that's when the party started. tin used to bartend so she was the one mixing drinks. i dunno what it was but it's blue, it had vodka in it and i don't know what else. the shots kept coming and i don't know how many i've taken. but i was already getting tipsy and my apprehensiveness was wearing off. before i knew it, i was already DJing for them using my ipod and dancing with them as well.

so overall, i had a great night and met good people. i'm looking forward to going out with them again especially jen. in my opinion, she was the nicest one there. mike's ok too, he dropped me off at my place even if it was a district past where he lived. and maggie was teasing that he had a crush on me which i don't think is true. maybe he's just happy to have new people around.

anyway, have to go and prepare for a party again tonight. :)

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 11:15 AM

0 comments

Thursday, September 06, 2007

old people (as in the elderly) and Q bar opening.

as i was on the bus on my way to work, i saw some old people getting on the bus and i noticed what they were wearing. i looked around me and i saw more old people. i looked at them and literally asked myself in a whisper "what the hell are they wearing?" then i came to realize that as these people aged, they also lost their fashion sense. they were wearing mismatched clothes, ugly shoes and unexplainably obnoxious bags. and then i wondered, did they just woke up, got out of bed and put on the clothes they first saw in their cabinets? do they even still have better looking clothes in their cabinets or all are just as ugly as what they were wearing?

i came to thinking about myself. i don't want to reach my aged years and not care about how i look anymore. unless maybe of course i become cenile but still, i would trust my nurse or whoever's taking care of me to dress me up fashionably or i swear i would haunt them when i die.

anyway, i went to Q bar in LKF last night to celebrate both its opening and the 500th day anniversary (i assume) of Escape magazine. michael just started working as an advertising exec for escape so he put me and his girlfriend, eryne, on the guest list for the party.

the place was great, good lighting and comfy seats with house music playing in the background. booze was overflowing and they served some finger food. i had white wine, whiskey coke, and vodka orange, one glass each. and for someone who doesn't drink much, i got a little tipsy but not to worry, i still kept my composure. there were some models who came so there were photographers taking pictures and even a video coverage by FTV.

i had a great time and even met some people from different industries. upon leaving the event, guests were given a goodie bag. found inside it were small gift items and coupons given by their clients and a copy of the latest issue of their magazine.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 7:58 PM

2 comments

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

my flaw. my friend's loneliness.

to all those people who keeps saying i'm so thin, three words: GO TO HELL! i was at work today minding my business when i got bored with the silence. so i took out my ipod to listen to some songs. and as i looked down on my lap to change the playlist, something caught my eye. there it was, a very horrific sight. i have a bulging tummy. i'm not overreacting! this is a very frightening thing to have for someone as thin as me. damn! i need to do sit-ups and crunches religiously again.

and then later today, i talked to my friend, ado. he was feeling so depressed for the loss of someone he loves. although, he didn't exactly lose her, she just relocated to another country but ado feels like it's the end of the world. as someone who went through that phase, i tried comforting him. i was even trying to make him laugh. i knew it wouldn't be easy. i've been there not so long ago and i was inconsolable that time too. i'll keep trying though. i just have this feeling that because i'm happy, everyone around me has to be happy too.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 11:30 PM

0 comments

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

a fresh start.

today is one of those days where i am filled with positiveness. even as bad memories come passing through my mind, it doesn't change my mood. i have a new goal...and that is to eliminate everything that's pulling me down. my primary focus would be getting a new job. i need to find a job where i will be productive and happy. i'll start with that and deal with the others afterwards. i need to find a direction for myself.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 7:36 PM

0 comments

Monday, September 03, 2007

i think...i need help. professional help.

i have humiliated myself enough.

i want to cry but there aren't any tears left.

i want to scream but i can only scream inside.

i want to get hurt 'til i can't feel any more pain.

i want to forget but i can't erase the memories.

i can only sit in silence.

i had lunch with my friends today. we were all teasing each other and laughing. they can't even tell i'm hurting inside. but even i myself don't know why i'm still feeling this way. i thought my sadness would be lessened by my acceptance of the facts, but it wasn't. i thought starting a new job would keep my mind off things. but i'm not even happy with my job. it's all just adding up. everything in my life is wrong. my life has turned to be a big disappointment than anyone could ever imagine. i have to find a way to redeem myself.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 10:27 PM

0 comments

Sunday, September 02, 2007

the "morning party"

it starts at around 5-6 am. different place every time, so as not to catch the attention of the authorities. it was a totally different experience. it felt like it was my first time again. kuya rye warned me not to take a whole one since it was pretty strong, so i cut it in half. but after feeling some initial effects, i felt like it wasn't effective enough so i eventually took the other half too.

for the first 30 minutes to an hour, i was feeling fine except for my eyes already seeing things a bit slow motion. and then i got lost. don't know what happened next. as i try to remember now, it's all coming to me just a blur, only bits and pieces of my tranced state. it didn't last long though, only for 30-45 minutes i think. and then i got control of myself again.

the effect lasted for quite a while even after i got back home with abi. we chilled at my place for a few hours just listening to music. and what i liked about it is that it didn't make my body feel heavy and tired. and then we got to talk about our first "morning party" experience. we were weirded out a bit with some things we saw there. when we're in full consciousness of what's going on, everyone seems to be acting on command, the command of the music. they freeze at the same time, dance again at the same time, lit cigars at the same time. it's like the music is incorporating something into our minds. i won't deny, it took over me for a couple of times too.

it was my first time parteeing in a bar. it was crowded, maybe around 60-70 people. and thinking that a crowd that big dropped and were intoxicated all at the same time was just plain astonishing to me. and it was funny that the dealer was just there standing around watching his happy customers. and i even saw my old colleagues, annette and april, there. though i might say this experience was pretty interesting, i don't think i'll be looking forward to another one soon. i'll stick with in-houses please.

and thank you so much kuya rye, i love you!! you've taken me away from my miserable life for more hours than i've expected. :)

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 2:16 PM

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Saturday, September 01, 2007

old people. old lifestyle.

i once knew and admired someone who's now a proud and egocentric a**hole (i apologize for the harsh word, couldn't think of a better single word description). why "once knew"? because now, i feel like i don't know him anymore. at least not the same person i used to know. people really change a lot over a period of time. and now, i can't say i'm proud to know him.

the life i thought i'd be leaving in manila and i'd be putting behind me is now the life i'm going to welcome again and embrace in my arms. i thought i wanted to live in silence. but i don't want to drown myself in misery. i'm done crying, there are no more tears left. i'm having my old lifestyle back. it's time to end my months of sobriety. my revelry starts tonight.

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 6:11 PM

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