: Name: ~dreamer~; Location: Hong Kong

View my complete profile

Dance like no one is watching...

...love like you'll never be hurt...

...sing like no one is listening...

...live like it's heaven on earth.

Life is beautiful!

.: wishlist :.
tix to Alicia Keys concert
new digital camera
new phone (pda)
more office clothes
~~new bikini :)~~
more shoes
plane ticket to manila
carebear stuffed toy
~~big black bag~~

.: previous posts :.

.: archives :.
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
March 2005
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
May 2008
June 2008

.: friends :.
marcus
piggy wing
chi-licious
becks
gloria
l.a.
chuckles
gengkukay
pretty zara
mai crabbedstar
ryeness
the goddess
astron's notebook
empress maruja
fei flora
magoo

.: thanks :.
blogger
blogskins
designer

What have you got to say?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

2007: From the beginning to present

Jan 2007

i had to monitor the night shift staff. i had a good relationship with them. it's such a good feeling knowing they respect you and look up to you. i got to hang out with a couple of guys after work playing dota hahaha! i never thought i'd be playing that game. i dunno, never liked strategy games. i can't say i'm a pro at it but i do know how, and i can beat others.

i was getting so lonely at home that i decided to buy a cat. i never thought of what breed to buy, i just checked how it looks like. i wanted a lazy cat so we can both stay at home and be lazy together heheh. but then i ended up buying a 1 month old siamese kitten. i found out from a friend that it's one of those hyperactive breeds of cats. she was so tiny that i got scared of taking care of her. she needed so much supervision that i asked my friend to take care of her first. but i never got to getting her back.

anyway, i still get to talk to him sometimes. he said he might be coming home in february and even joked about staying at my condo while he's here. i really miss him...

and then, we both lost contact of each other. it was end of january when i saw him update his friendster. he's with someone else...i was furious. i didn't know what to do. but i know what i didn't want to do, to talk to him. i was so mad and felt so cheated. but i knew i didn't have the right to get mad, i wasn't his girlfriend. but it wouldn't have hurt as much if he was just honest with me and told me himself. what hurt me the most was the way i found out about it.

Feb 2007

i was crushed. there were times when i was all alone in my condo crying all day. i thank God that rachelle was there for me to talk to. she's always been the one i run to when i have problems. she's my bestfriend, my roommate and my secret-keeper.

my sister came home for an operation. my parents followed a few days later for a vacation. tito sam and family took us to tagaytay to go to this ranch with a casino and racetrack (i forgot the name). i didn't know it was fun to watch horse racing live.

it was on this month too when i got curious about other things. i started hanging out with clarence and some other peeps from work, me and rachelle. we ended up parteeing with them. i enjoyed it. it gave me some sort of happiness, although it was only temporary. but then when the effect wears off, i go back to my old depressed self. there was even a time when the people parteeing with me had to listen to me blabbing about my problem and crying. i craved for more for the weeks that followed, which i got, thanks to clarence, danah and others. i met more new people through parteeing like louie, kate, jason and punch.

March 2007

the parteeing continued. it happened almost every weekend. it was happening so often that i was already carrying gum and a vicks inhaler in my bag all the time. LOL! have to be prepared! coz there was one time that we dropped while on the NLEX and we had to settle for some vicks vapor rub, that was weird. and i know it's not something to be proud of but i sort of influenced other guys at work to do it too. guys, whom i didn't know, liked me.

this month were not only of partees but also of drinking. we were parteeing on the weekends and drinking during weekdays after work. clarence had a 3-day birthday celebration. we can often be found at meatshop, a place in xavierville, with overflowing booze and baked oysters and barbecue.

danah and our other officemate cha were looking for a place to stay. and i didn't want to be alone as it makes me even more depressed. so we decided to share the condo unit i was renting. i take care of the rent, they handle the bills. and we now have a baby in the house!! kendra, cha's cute little daughter.

it was in the morning of march 16 when i got a phone call. i recognized the number and when i answered it, i knew it was him. he told me he's in manila and i answered him coldly. i was still mad at him for what he did. what did he expect? that i would sound excited? the call was during an after-partee time, i haven't even got enough sleep and i have to go to work that afternoon.

anyway, i needed to go back to hong kong for a few days to extend my visa. but before i left, i hosted a partee at my place heheh. it was then that i found out that this guy at work, whom i found cute, liked me. his name was kristian. that's how our relationship started. he said he already liked me the first time he saw me but was intimidated by me. maybe not intimidated, but like most people, he found me snobbish at first. i found him sweet especially because he was there comforting me at times when i was crying.

he had a girlfriend but the more that he hung out with me, the more he fell for me. and i realized i liked him too. we hung out with each other more and enjoyed each other's company. he broke up with his girlfriend because his feelings for me were far more stronger. i felt flattered with the attention i was getting. i found myself smiling again.

April 2007

i'm not sure when exactly but it was this month when we formally became a couple. no one knew of course but our close friends kinda got the hint. the parteeing became less and less because the others were having some issues with each other so the group fell apart.

i was promoted to virtual accounts manager this month. i got to interview people both internally and externally to look for staff for my department. i administered some tests as well. my friend mon got in and i really think he had team leader potential but according to chris, (the a**shole american guy) we need to observe his performance first.

my friends and i were usually hanging out at my place watching DVDs. we also took turns taking care of kendra until we found a yaya.

everything between me and kristian were ok. but i never told anyone that i'm still missing him despite of what he did. my anger had subsided. he tried to talk to me a couple of times but i ignored him or pushed him away because of my pride. i wanted no connection to him, deleted him from my friendster, my phone, my yahoo contacts.

there were times when kristian sang incubus songs to me and i got mad at him coz i thought he was teasing me (everytime and i mean EVERYTIME i hear any song by incubus, it reminds me of him). turns out that kristian was trying to make me forget about him but i don't think it worked.

May 2007

our company finally closed down (i don't want to get into details, i'd only end up cussing endlessly at the people involved). now i really have a lot of problems. i have a contract for the condo until october and i didn't want to lose the 2 month security deposit. i've decided to try and look for a job in the Philippines.

my family supported my decision, although they would be happier if i went back to hong kong. my sister got promoted which left her previous position open so i was asked to apply. i came back to hong kong for the sole reason of attending an interview. unfortunately, even after all that, they wanted someone who spoke mandarin. my trip wasn't really unproductive. i went to disneyland with my sister, courtesy of kuya rye. we had fun taking a lot of pictures heheh.

so i went back to manila to try my luck. but i wasn't able to find any other job that has at least the same salary i used to earn to be able to pay the rent and provide for myself. the chances of me staying in manila was getting really slim.

there were times when i felt lonely but instead of thinking about my boyfriend, i thought about him. i sent him a message confessing how i felt for him, he just got mad at me for not telling him earlier. i told him i already have a boyfriend and i know he was already with someone else. i thought we should move on.

June 2007

my friends and i started the month with a celebration. i'm not sure what we're celebrating though lol! kate was the one who thought about it. so we went to tagaytay and rented a place there where we drank A LOT. i enjoyed the night and was especially happy because kristian was there with me.

i finally decided to move back to hong kong. although it was really sweet of my housemates to offer equal share of the expenses we have, i still wouldn't be able to save money for myself. i knew it would be better for me to go back to hong kong. and so i did in the middle of the month.

it was hard leaving a lot of things behind and i will miss a lot of people especially kristian who was there for me during the not-so-happy times.

and so the search for a job in hong kong starts...

July 2007

it was finally time to face the reality. the loneliness is getting to me. i got to run away from it before through going out with friends and spending time playing with kendra. but now, i can't hide from it anymore.

we moved to a new flat in a building just a couple of blocks away from the old one. searching for a job has been really hard. i've met up with a couple of guys i used to work with, some of them were looking for a job too. we went out to dinner and for a couple of drinks. it felt good to get out of the house and do something else for a change. also, the seventh harry potter book was released so i had a 2-day marathon reading it. it's finally the end, i'm going to miss harry potter.

the house we moved to had a piano so to pass the time, i started trying to learn how to play. started with guessing a few songs. what i really wanted to learn was Canon in D because i thought it was sweet (i saw in the movie "my sassy girl") but i had a hard time looking for the piano sheet so i ended up with only hope. in just two days, i learned the right hand for this song but can't seem to coordinate the left hand :(...then i started looking for other piano sheets until i found a guy on youtube who had video tutorials and that's when i learned how to play unfaithful. it's the only song i can play with both hands and still, it's not so perfect but it sounds like the song. i learned more songs, only with the right hand, like i believe, a little bit of canon and intros to some songs.

and then, i found myself thinking about him more and more instead of thinking about my boyfriend. i wanted to talk to him but my pride took over me. i thought he's happy and i should just be happy too. until he sent me a message one day. he told me he can't forget about me and he still loves me. i thought we were in the same place so i confessed how i felt for him...i confessed everything. well, he wasn't happy about it and called me a cheat. i felt like i've made a fool of myself and that he didn't really care about how i feel.

this is when i got more confused...about what i want, about what i have to do, about my feelings. there's nowhere to hide, no parteeing to run to, not even anyone that i can talk to. i wanted to disappear and just reappear when it's all over. but i can't...all i was able to do was cry myself to sleep for so many nights.

Aug 2007

what a way to start august...i decided to break up with kristian. it's been weeks that i've been confused about my feelings. i can't even get myself to lie to him and tell him that i love him so he would be happy.

well, it wasn't my decision alone. kristian understood what i was going through and he also thought i have to think about what i really want. and what i really want right now is to be alone. i don't know for how long or if it's forever...

i tried learning more songs on the piano just to get my mind off things. but again, i was having trouble playing both hands. i learned the songs clocks, brick, diary and kissing you. not the full songs though, just some part of it. i guess i'm not really a musician, grrrr!!!

- posted by ~dreamer~ @ 9:52 PM

About Me

0 Comments: